To be or not to be

I thought I’d share a small excerpt out of my journal:

Today I feel I’m in a thin place in the area of tension between living out of my egoic self, that seeks gratification of the senses in the here and now and tries to avoid all kinds of suffering; and my ‘soul’ (Christ) self, that seeks connection within and without, with creation and the Divine reality of things. On the question of suffering, I think it all comes down to which ‘self’ I’m living out of. The challenges in my life will be perceived in a suffering way when I’m living out of my egoic self that wants it’s own way and ‘good’ outcomes. When I’m living out of my Christ self, I have peace despite whatever is going on and whatever the outcome.

There is so much distraction in this life … every moment there seems to be something vying for my minds attention. Oh how I desire to live in the ‘no mind’ space of my life. But the cost is ‘losing out’ on all that glitters and sparkles in my mind’s eye. Why can’t I shake these patterns of entrapment and enslavement? Why am I so fickle? I know the beauty of living free of my mind’s control. Metanoia (repent) – change in mind – could rather be interpreted as ‘no mind’ for me. Mindfulness could rather be ‘mindlessness’. Letting go of my mind and embracing my soul – that is my prayer, that is my simple goal.

My mind has a place in my life, but living and being beyond myself requires living out of something deeper within.

To be or not to be. It’s a question of my mind.